Hiya. I’m Tom, and welcome to the first page of REVENGE ON RAINBOW GIRL. This story is written by my two nieces and drawn and colored by me. This is step 3 in a 16-step plan to subtly manipulate Ethan as a contact and get my own TV show. Don’t tell Ethan I’m abusing him as a contact; he doesn’t die until step 14 and I don’t want to spoil the surprise.

So as it turns out, I’ve got these things called blog posts to go along with the comic strips. I wasn’t ready for that. I guess I’ll get into it by starting with why I’m doing this, and why I like Axe Cop: kids are hilarious. I know a lot of people with little kids in their lives, and the kids have always just said something hysterical. What these people don’t always do is what I’ve been doing since the girls were little, and I’m going to recommend it to everyone here- write down their quotes. I keep a Google Doc full of things the kids have said, grouped by how old they were when they said it. What I’m planning to do is give each kid a quote of the week whenever I post.

Considering I’m the much-worshiped frontman of metal band Lich King, this’ll probably endanger my reputation as the Ice Cube of thrash metal*, because adoration of the cute things kids say isn’t supposed to be a trope of thrash guys. We’re supposed to enjoy violence and apathy and 80s action movies and zombies and beer. In light of that, if you’re a metal guy that’s put off by that I love little kids and now you can’t like my band, I guess it doesn’t bother me if you take a walk because you’re not the kind of person I want enjoying my band anyway. Metal is supposed to be fun. Hug a puppy now and then, you miserable churl.

KIDS’ QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Amelia: “Ow. Charlotte’s hitting me!”
Me: “Charlie, what are you doing?”
Charlotte: “She just told you.”
                                        -Charlotte, age 8

Picking crabapples from the tree in the kids’ yard,
Amelia points to one and I pick it for her.
Amelia: “Thank you Unca Tommy. You’re a good
picker and no car could ever run you over.”
                                        -Amelia, age 3

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy REVENGE ON RAINBOW GIRL as much as I did listening to it being written on the fly by two awesome little kids. I’ll be back next week with page 2!

*…No one calls me the Ice Cube of thrash metal. I call myself that in hopes that it’ll stick.